September 17, 2010

Friendships

Friendship is a funny thing. It can be the most wonderful thing on Earth, or it can be a devastating thing. That's a weird thing to say, I know, but if you knew about my childhood you might understand. When I was a kid I had a very bad childhood. Not like the kind where I didn't get what I wanted or could't go play with my friends if I didn't do my chores. The kind of childhood where my dad aimed a gun at my mom when she was pregnant with my twin brother and sister. He was drunk...it was Thanksgiving...he was gone and took all the money to go shopping to buy food...was gone or 5-6 hours...my mom was getting upset that he was gone 'shopping' and went to look for him...found him at the local bar as you might guess drunk...she asked WHY??? and he aimed a pistol at her and tried to kill her. By that time my grandma and uncle showed up and my uncle grabbed me up and ran, on foot, across town to hid me from the fighting...police are called...dad goes to jail. Stuff like this was happening all the time with dad around. People in the small towns we moved to and from got tired of him and his ant-ticks. So we moved ALOT! Plus he stole from his friends and when they caught on they threatened to call the cops on him then up and away we go! So I never had the chance to have friends for very long and as I got older when I was the 'new kid' it was even harder to make friends. Then when I thought someone was a friend they would start some rumor about me or my family and the merciless teasing would begin. So my friends were now my enemies.
I kinda got used to not having friends and not trusting ANYONE was my way of life. Fast forward to 2009...I am saved and in a church that I love. Meeting people and reaching out to make friendships. Learning to trust and knowing that all people will fail you at least once(Probably unknowingly) and leaning on Jesus and my Heavenly Father to learn how to be a friend. It can be hard sometimes when the enemy sneaks up and whispers doubts in to my ear. I refuse to believe them because I know that my God is a God of Promises and He is the Ultimate Healer of the heart.  I now have good friends that I can trust not to hurt me on purpose and that will love me for who Jesus created me to be. Lately I have been suffering with a tiny bit of insecurity and I know that this too will pass. What doesn't kill you will make you stronger and I LOVE my God for that! I am so very blessed with the friends He has put in my life! Thanks for hearing me out :)

2 comments:

Ms. Munro said...

Thanks for being open and honest about your life and past, and sharing what God's been teaching you!

HE is truly the best friend.

Have a wonderful day Jessica! I enjoyed getting to know you better last night-- let's do it again soon!

jessica m said...

Your welcome Megan :)
And YES we should!!! I had a blast getting to know you as well:)